If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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