so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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