She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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