i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
