Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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