Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
