looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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