You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
