Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
