my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
