My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
