how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i dont even know how to be here
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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