I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
