toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my phone needs a breathalizer
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
not ubering you a puppy
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
