Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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