dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
