he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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