Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
