I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
