I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
