Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i now understand why vodka
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
