Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She bit a glass in half.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
