Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
