fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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