another moral hangover. fuck.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
