With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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