I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
