Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
