OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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