On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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