Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
last night I used snow as a chaser
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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