The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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