you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
