I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
