so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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