Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
