i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
