She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She's not a foreskin expert like you
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
