im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
