I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
