I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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