Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
