i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
