32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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