You can't motorboat a personality
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
