I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I supernannyed him into submission
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
