Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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