They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
