he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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