Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
