You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
