my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
