Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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