i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
