I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
