I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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