Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You need Xanax blowdarts
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
