I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
