I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
