This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
