I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
