He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i now understand why vodka
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
