I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize