There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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