Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
