i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
