dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
