I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
