Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
