He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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