He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
