I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
