He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Houston, we have a blender
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
